“At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.' Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.’”

(From Mt. 18:21-35)

 I learned about forgiveness, not from good books, but from good forgivers.  Looking back on my childhood and adolescent years, I think my parents were good forgivers.  Like every family, we had our issues. We had our arguments, misunderstandings, and blow-ups.  Every time, though, we got up the next day and moved on.  We were still family, and we were still loved.  No, this healing and recovery didn’t always happen that quickly.  Sometimes it took longer.  Either way, we always knew what we needed to do.

Today’s Gospel for Mass presents us with, not only a dramatic story, but one that is fairly descriptive of human nature, at least in some people.  As the master had forgiven the first servant, you would hope that the servant would have, in turn, forgiven his fellow servant when the opportunity arose.  He did not. He withheld from his neighbor what had been given to him.  Forgiveness is not simply a gift to be asked for or received like a quick business transaction.  It is meant to be shared.  It is, indeed, a healing remedy.  It is balm for the wounded soul, on both sides of the relationship.  When we freely choose to forgive someone, we not only extend a gift to them and, hopefully, help to relieve their burden.  We also give ourselves a new kind of freedom.  We release ourselves from a burden we do not need to carry.  

If we are wounded by someone else, and if that wound is sharp and deep, we can certainly hold onto it if we want.  We can hold onto it for a long, long time.  We can hold that grudge against the other person. But here’s the thing: it does absolutely nothing to them.  It only harms us and brings us down.  They’re going to bed at night and probably sleeping quite well.  We, on the other hand, lay there at night, replaying various scenarios in our head.  We envision that conversation in which we tell them off.  We perhaps think about verbally “taking them down,” as they say.  And so on.  What does that get us?  Nothing.  Only grief. Where does that get us?  Nowhere. It only lodges us more deeply into the hole of anger and resentment. 

If, on the other hand, we can begin the process and eventually let it go, it does everything for us.